Dienstag, 23. Dezember 2014

Thoughts on spending Christmas over the clouds and about the annual increase of madness towards the end of the year

Hi there, I just wanted to write this post now because I probably won't be writing another post in 2014 and I just wanted to thank you for sticking with me this year as well and to wish you all a merry Christmas (and since we won't be back until the 16th of January I might as well just wish you an enchanting New Year and a Kickass way to start your 2015 - in the good meaning, of course!).

Since we're off to "La Habana", the city of columns, or simply Havana, Cuba, on the 25th of December; we'll spend our Christmas over the clouds(Luckily we celebrate Christmas Eve rather than the actual Christmas Day in Switzerland). It's been an eventful year and we've been trough a lot, so my mother and I both need our holidays and are looking forward to our trip like little children. A nice side-effect is that we'll be escaping the annual festive marathon/massacre towards the end of the year, better known as Christmas and New Year, this way. No misunderstandings - just like every other child, I used to love Christmas and the Advent time was my favourite time to go window-shopping in the city. And I still don't exactly dislike Christmas. In fact, I still kind of like it.
I just hate the fact, that Christmas for most is a compulsory act and plainly said empty. All the artificial, superficial and absolutely unnecessary trouble around it, all the kind words said, the warm gestures made and the "presents made from heart", when you exactly are in knowledge of the fact that the donor doesn't even have such a thing as a heart. One of my favourite cites is "A woman's smile is her most elegant way to bare her teeth" ; and especially around towards Christmas I once more realise how true it is. If you spend an extended amount of time in another country in which they don't speak your language and you don't speak their's(yet), you will inevitably, amongst other things, get one great gift: The gift of observation. I love it to sit around a table and to get what's going on but playing along nevertheless. You all of a sudden discover who really cares and who's just nice to you because they are sticking to the rules made up by society.
I am no exception  - There are people I'd go miles for, even to the end of this world or another; and there is the rest. And let's face it, as much as we'd like to just spit straight into certain people's faces, most of the time we have to stick to the rules of society and all we can do is nicely cultivated snarling, or how we civilized beings better like to call it, smiling. The slight, subtle but important difference is in being aware of that fact. By being aware that you are part of the whole circus show, you are able to choose which role you want to play. Me for my part, I like being the audience best as I know I can't be the director (yet). And should that not be possible I love my veteran role as mad hatter who joins the tea party of madness, the jester or the crazy clown, for fools are the only ones able to speak the truth and unmask the ones putting up a brave front without being cast out from the round; because they made the decision not to be part of it in first place.

So while all this normal madness is going on underneath us, we will be flying somewhere over the ocean; over the clouds. And rather than being annoyed that we can't be sitting together in the plane as my mum booked way before me, I am looking forward to the little promenades through the plane to visit each other in case our neighbours are unwilling to swap seats(or we); and who those neighbours will be. I mean, six hours are a long time to talk, to observe and to do all kinds of things you feel like doing; and that's exactly why I love long-haul flights. Knowing me and my luck, it's bound to become an interesting flight - one way or another. I am sure there will be all kinds of stereotypes gathered in one plane, like the neurotic banker cancelling his family time (or fleeing from his dear relatives) for a meeting, the ubiquitous archetype of a tourist - preferably overweight and ready to get sunburnt, the "OMG, THE PLANE IS GOING TO FALL AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" maniac, the IT-fashion dolly with too much money who's Champaign is bond to be "not cold enough" and all the others we have grown accustomed to over the time.
But whatever I'll experience in the plane or on the island, you'll be sure to read it here sooner or later!;)

May you all have a wonderful Christmas (hopefully rather not as described above) and a splendid New Year, and hopefully see you in 2015!:)

Samstag, 20. Dezember 2014

Being an Au-Pair in London in a nutshell

Hi there

Are you all getting ready for the annual Christmas-Madness?
Personally, I feel very relaxed as my mum and I are going to Cuba over Christmas/New Year and I just escaped from the madhouse aka my working place and host family in London. Yes that's right, my experience as an Au-Pair in London was altogether a complete disaster and just one of the most terrible and stressful times in my life so far.

No panic, I won't bore you with the details of all the little and big no-no's and beastliness I experienced with my host family, but for everyone considering to do an Au-Pair job I highly advise you to inform yourself thoroughly about your rights and actual duties as an Au-Pair; as most of the host families in London (at least what I and several other Au-Pairs could detect from our and other families) try to make use of you - or simply are misinformed about the duties of an Au-Pair, leading to you becoming the housemaid, servant or even slave of the family if you don't stand up for yourself. I did inform myself but it kind of got in that direction anyway. The thing is that the kids grew up around Au-Pairs rather than a stable Nanny while the parents both were working full-time, resulting in the children having no stable attachment figure. No wonder therefore, that the 7 years old daughter went berserk and tried everything to get me, the seemingly root of evil that stood between her and her beloved mummy and daddy, out of their house. And I mean EVERYTHING.

At first I ignored her wicked little games and her snottiness, as I am very well aware of the fact that children always will test you and see how you deal with them over a longer period before they grow to respect you. And I tried really hard to get her to like me. I know I am really good with kids and they usually like me a lot, since I can empathize with them easily and always try to see the world through their eyes. And in fact, she did like me; she even said so and showed it as well through her actions when she had a good moment. The problem wasn't a personal matter, but the fact that she just didn't want to have an Au-Pair in her family at any cost. And I just happened to be the unlucky guy who drew the short straw and got the position while she had (and presumably still has) her worst phase so far. She even went as far as lying about being hit and pushed down the stairs by me. That was the point where it was enough and I quit. That weren't little, innocent, childish games anymore. That was a serious matter that could have hurt my reputation and that could have jeopardized my future if the parents would have believed her (which they luckily didn't - turns out she used the same lie with previous Au-Pairs as well...Little, spoiled, pitiful brat!). I told them in advance so that they could find a new Au-Pair and they agreed that I could stay with them until after my Proficiency test, as it would benefit all of us and as it would be great if I could work in the new Au-Pair. Two weeks after they kindly requested me to leave the house as they had already found another Au-Pair and changed their mind after all. Nothing personal. Only that I now had the stress to find a new place to stay. I found a small, really cheap 1-room flat in Acton which I would have gotten, but the guy suddenly didn't respond anymore to my mails and calls which I thought of as really strange. In the meantime the host mother asked me whether I wouldn't like to stay with them until Christmas after all - Turned out the next Au-pair's references weren't that fab after all. Since it was more convenient for me that way as well, I agreed. But as nice they treated me when I first arrived, as cold and uninterested they were now. Shortly said, the last couple of days were just hell and sheer madness.

To sum it up, Au-pair can be either one of the most lovely or one of the most hellish jobs at all. And I think it highly depends on where you are - On the countryside I think families are more likely to treat you as part of the family as in the capital; especially London, since there are a lot of empty, snobbish and posh people and excellent examples of the sharp elbowed middle classes. It's a 50/50 thing, really. But as far as I can judge, it doesn't really matter wether you go with an agency or on your own, for my friend went with an agency, had exactly the same problems as I and also left early, with the difference that she spent 2500€ and her agency made the very helpful comment that they "would totally understand her decision" - of course she won't get back her money for the time she paid but didn't spend over there. Biggest joke of it all is that the agency assured her that they would take the family out of their list; only for her to hear from the family one week later that the agency already had found 30 new candidates for the Au-Pair job in their family...

But nevertheless the last couple of months were an experience I am grateful for, as I could learn a lot about myself and were I still have to work on. My mother always uses to say "be grateful for everything life throws at you, as shitty as it may be; as everything will teach you something, makes you grow and surpass your former self ". Or in short: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And I share her belief.

See you soon,


your cheeky devil

Montag, 20. Oktober 2014

Hecate or my unexitement about Brad Pitt

Hi guys, it's been a long time, I know!

Ever since I came to London, I absolutely had no desire to write anything at all, not even my personal diary, which is like, super-strange and absolutely not like me at all; as I always need a outlet for my feelings and thoughts (I kind of have that paranoia that if I do not do this, I'll burst sooner or later, no doubt about it).

As for London, my feelings are...mixed. I don't hate it altogether as some of my friends here do, but I definitely must agree that the city is completely overrated. But to explain why I came to this conclusion it will take it's own blogpost, so to those who are actually interested in my opinion, please have a little more patience and joyfully wait for my next post, as I surely will cover that matter as the main topic. Those who are rather interested in my Au Pair (and other) experiences, I also have to ask you guys to bear with me for a while, as for today I'd rather want to talk about a decision I made and about a truth that stroke me:

Have you ever heard of Hecate? If the answer is no - neither had I! I only know the name and, the meaning behind this name, because the gorgeous Fender CD320 ASCE acoustic guitar in my room now bears that name. Yes that's right, I bought myself a late birthday present for my 20th birthday, which I named "Hecate". Although, in Hecate's case it was rather "making a pact" than "buying her". I am, without a doubt, of the opinion that some things become just so much greater by the moment they are given a name. That is, because by the moment a thing is given a name, it ascends from a thing to an individual. An individual with unique features and personality; an individual with a soul. Imagine you would be called "human" all your life. In my opinion, that would be horrid! Maybe it's not the name entirely that makes you an irreplaceable, unique individual; but it certainly is the starting point for that process. I do not know wether that belief of mine that things should have names as well (my Iphone is called "Karl" by the way) originates from the tradition of my mothers' and I to name our cars ( I still can remember our first car I was to name, Felix, vividly), but I really think it gives you a connection to that certain object you otherwise would't have; it becomes more special and dear to you. But back to the story:
Ever since I came here, I came to different conclusions and grew certain about various things (and about the same amount of thing I grew uncertain about); and one of these certain conclusions I made was that I cannot go on without music in life (a fact we all(at least all my friends and regular visitors of this blog) already know), and, that now finally the time has come I have no more excuses to postpone my starting to play the guitar to later has come. In fact, the urge to get into the possession of a guitar became overwhelming, and as days passed by almost unbearable. Therefore I did a little research and found out that there is something like little Eden for all music lovers in London, namely an inconspicuous  little street in Soho called "Denmark Street"; which basically only consists of music shops for all kinds of instruments, music pubs and CD and record shops. By the moment I set foot in this rather dim, sombrely looking street, I knew that this was going to be my favourite place, but I was sure of it when I set foot into the first music shop. I started on Monday with trying out different guitars in different shops, asking the most basic questions (greenhorn as I am) and spent the whole week agonising about whether I should buy an Epiphone I really liked but that was slightly over my budget or going for a Fender model as I grew certain of the fact that Fender felt best and most comfortable for me. Furthermore I wasn't sure wether I should buy my guitar to be at Regent Sounds (where a friendly (and rather hot-looking, Rock version of Brad Pitt like) vendor explained everything to me in detail and really was eager to get me the best guitar for my money) or at Wunjo Guitars( Where the most sympathetic Scotsman you can possibly imagine, Bryan - apparently the shop owner himself -  showed and explained me over an hour the differences between particular guitars and showed me my very first chord(e minor) ) .
On Friday I went to Denmark street again, visiting the rest of the shops I haven't been so far; but in the end I landed at Regents Sounds and Wunjo Guitars again. Neither Bryan nor the Back to Black version of Brad Pitt were there on that day, but when I passed by Wunjo's, the very same vendor who'd later sell me my very first guitar already looked me in the eyes and showed a foreseeing smile. It wasn't love at first sight, as I had already tried out a Fender CD320 on monday, but when I hold Hecate in my hands and strummed my e minor (the only chord I knew) with all I had, it just made 'click' and I knew I was going to buy THAT exact guitar. On surplus I treated myself to a rather expensive hard case (which was absolutely crucial as I knew it had to be flight-proof and the vendor recommended me this one) and while Steve, another vendor, got my hard case from the storage (he only did so because Charlie, yet another vendor, was, according to Steve when asked about his whereabouts,"out riding the f*cking unicorns or whatsoever" - I liked him on the spot) I had a little chitchat with the guy about to sell me my guitar and got to know that his sister apparently had been to Osaka for several months - I knew we had a connection!;P
While driving home with my new enrichment of life I grew certain of the fact that my guitar needed to have a name. The first word that popped up in my head was "the witch". Well, that's not a name. "Bruja"? Neither did I buy her in a Spanish speaking country, nor is Fender a Spanish maker, nor am I able to speak Spanish - apart form "té negro con leche frio por favor" and some other scraps of Spanish I dealt to remember from the ten weeks I spent in Mexico when I was six years old. Then I thought about what is connected to a witch: The wood. Wood was good since she is completely made out of solid wood. So, Vivienne (in allusion to Vivienne Westwood)? I like the queen of anarchism, but I don't fancy the name for a guitar. So maybe Diana(in allusion to Lady Di and the goddess of hunting and the forrest)? Too posh, but nice direction. When I was at home, I researched Artemis, the Greek equivalent of Diana, and thanks to Wikipedia stumbled upon yet another equivalent of the two: Hecate.
Hecate was apparently highly appreciated by Zeus because she was the only Titan helping Zeus to win against her own kind and was therefore granted the same powers as Zeus. She is ruler over sky, earth and sea, or alternatively heaven, earth and underworld. She's goddess of the moon and protector of women, she is able to give and take away everything from humans, and she's the goddess of crossroads and decisions, often displayed holding a torch or keys, and her familiars are dos and dragons. When I read this, I was like: Yeah, that's the perfect fit.
So all i need to do now is getting myself a good teacher and practise, practise, practise. but the best thing is that we'll get better together, literally: Because the CD320 models are made out of all solid wood(spruce on top and mahogany on side and back), their sound will only get better over the years and develop; just as with a good wine.

Well, that's it about my new guitar (I would have never imagined one could write that much about a guitar - seems like I'm already a maniac!), so the second thing I wanted to write about was about my chance of seeing Brad Pitt.

It happened to be the last day of the London Film Festival (BFI) to which I sadly enough couldn't go because the tickets were sold out. Anyway, I totally forgot about it and when some of my friends and I were walking to Leicester Square I was like "Ooh yeaaah!.. " because there was a bunch of excited people. My friends really wanted to go there, and I agreed with them that the whole matter was rather exciting. But after the first excitement about seeing a red carpet with actual stars and starlets on it, I was like "Hmm, well, it's nice to see them, but we're pretty far away anyways and originally we wanted to grab some food, right?" Of course, the other two desperately wanted to see Brad Pitt, even if they weren't even sure wether he'd be there or not. Hungry? Food is overrated anyways. Well, be it because I've talked with the sexy Hobo/Rock version of Brad Pitt for hours a few days ago on Denmark street or not, I simply couldn't look at Logan Lerman (Perks of being a wallflower) and think of him as something more special than the sweaty tourist on my right or the two Italian hipsters on my left. As fabulous an actor as he may be, in the end he is nothing but a mere, simple human just as everyone else. And I couldn't convince myself that the case would be another with Brad Pitt. Delicious Japanese food or maybe a glimpse of Angie's Hubby? Just when I almost had left Leicester Square to grab myself something at Japan centre, I heard a ruckus, looked at the monitor and saw..well, Brad's back. "Well," I thought, "at least he's bringing the sexy back." and left in direction Piccadilly Circus; wondering about what I should buy for dinner. I always imagined premieres, opening- and closing nights to be fabulously exciting, but when I looked at all the fanatics waiting to catch a glimpse of a slightly more well known face with a slightly better income, I seriously felt disgust. If Brad Pitt had become a rich banker he'd still be handsome and rich, but nobody would faint at sight just because of his presence. Don't misunderstand me - Brad Pitt is one of my most respected actors - but I don't get why he should be any different from the rest of the world. I can't 100% say that the case would be the same if there was, say, Jared Leto or Miyavi up there, so I kind of empathise with the crowd of today (although I love these people mainly because of their music rather than because of their acting), but I seriously just felt unexitement about today and I was shocked and disappointed about my unexcitement. I felt cheated myself out of an Image I had in my head and rather cooled off. But then again I was glad for that experience because now I know it's not that big deal after all, even if the same evening must look totally different depending on what side of the security guards and fences you are standing.

I don't want to drag things out and I apologise for not having a fancy last sentence or splendid way to end this post, but thank you anyway for reading so far an just give it a think!:)

See you soon,

your cheeky devil

Mittwoch, 13. August 2014

Chronos, big flats and turquoise lakes or how to become ruler of time

Hi folks!:)

First of all, I'd like you to do something: Just take one little moment, sit back, take a deep breath in, let it out and close your eyes. Now ask yourself the question how is your feeling of time and space at the moment? Is time running away from you? Is it stuck, not willing to get over? Is the place you are now wide and spacious or small and stuffed? How are you feeling in this situation?

Personally, I just made once more the discovery how different the same time is experienced by two people. How different the feeling of space in the same room is at different times. Although time is a unite measure applied by everybody without exception, it nevertheless seems to be flowing at a different speed for all of us. An hour can feel like a week if you are waiting for your friends to arrive at the meeting point in order to begin an awesome trip together. A week can feel like an hour if you spend it with good people at a good place and you really don't wan't to go home. A 3 1/2 room flat can appear terribly small if you are longing to go to the above mentioned trip, but then again it can feel tremendously big and spacious after one week as four and then returning while your mum is on a business trip (which means you have the whole flat for yourself - yay!!..right?). And then again in this empty flat one day passes by, seeming short as the blink of an eye and never ending at the same time.

It's not hard to believe that the ancient Greeks once thought that there was a god named Chronos, who ruled over time and life time. We may not always be able to influence how fast time passes by, but it is we who decide wether we consider our time as "ripped away from us", "cruelly slow ", or "lived/used to the fullest".

If time appears to be to fast, try to step back and appreciate the small details as for example the marvelous smile of your best friend sitting by your side at a turquoise colored mountain lake after you just took a bath (despite cloudy weather and only 15 degrees water temperature) , the sound of everybody's laughter after you brought the full (and pretty heavy) equipment to hold a perfect barbecue with you and realize after a long hike that you are not allowed to make a fire (ooh well, it was a good work out) and the smell of bonfire smoke inside of your own house (we went home in order to hold our BBQ, but it suddenly started to rain, so we used the old fireplace inside the 400 years old house to barbecue our meat at last!). If you do this the time may not appear slower, but fuller.

If time is racing because you're stressed, try to look at everything with a bigger distance to gain back the overview without loosing the eye for important details. By gaining distance you are able to find once more what really has priority and what only seems to be important but could wait a little longer.

And finally, if time passes too slowly, try to entertain yourself to the fullest while waiting for it to get over. If school is boring, try to use that time to get better at something (gaining useless knowledge, improving your conversation and social skills together with your fellow sufferer to your left/right , getting better in art by drawing sketches in and on your notebook, improving time management and multi tasking skills by doing home work during lessons - there are tons of reasonable activities). If that is not possible, you just need to remind yourself that the whole world is just one big stage and that you are always director and actor rolled into one. Once you do that you'll find the biggest entertainment in the most boring meeting at your work place (Wow, what's with this expression?! Did my boss always have a nervous twitch when talking enraged? By listening closely, John, that smoothy from team one lisp a bit, doesn't he? Wow, actually I never noticed how beautiful the view from this meeting room is..). Of course no one needs to know of your "discoveries", in most of the cases the conversations inside of my head with myself are amusing enough. A good alternative would be to engage yourself into daydreaming (if affordable), as you'll get better and better and experience more improved daydreams and adventures by practicing it.

Of course it would still be the best to just always live in the moment as Zen, Buddha and who knows who else are preaching, but until I have have the answer on how to do that, this is how I try to be ruler of my time and gaining the most out of it. If you know anything better, by any means, please share it in the comments below!;)

Best regards,

your cheeky devil

Freitag, 1. August 2014

A little list of countermeasures against missing something/ homesickness

Hey there, how was your week?

As promised, this time the follow up post is sooner than usual (well, rather exceptionally there doesn't lie a gab of several months between them for once!^^''). Well this time I'm going to talk about a topic that had been alien to me up to the time when I came back from Japan: Homesickness. "... Wait, what? She's not even gone to London yet and she already talks about being homesick while still being AT HOME?!", some of you might think right now. Well, be it preventive or be it just to remind myself (and you guys of course) of what to do against it, yes, I want to write about it.

I know it might sound stupid, and seriously I'm so mad at me right now, but recently I started to feel homesick again...for JAPAN! Just a few weeks before I'll be gone to London for at least one year..I mean seriously?! This is like the most horrible timing possible, since I don't plan to be homesick over there..neither for Switzerland (Well this most likely isn't going to happen anyway) NOR Japan. Therefore I put together a few things that help me (and hopefully may help you too) if the place (or person) of your heart is farer away than you can reach right now:

1) Listen to music: I am a person who connects everything with music. Memories, special days, places and persons. If I start to miss my friends of another country, I listen to the music they like, they showed to me or the music that make me think of them. I even have a book were my friends can write music that is important to them into. It definitely helps, you'll feel connected with them.

2) The power of the mind: If I feel lonely it always proofs helpful to assort my thoughts. The whole world seems so much smaller and your beloved ones nearer if you make yourself clear that we all are under the same sky, see the same stars and live under the same sun. You can daydream yourself to the place of your choice, imaging what you would be doing right now and with whom, trying to remember what the atmosphere of that place is like, what particular smells and noises you were surrounded with and in general trying to remember your memories as vivid as possible. With the time you'll get really good at it (I practiced daydreaming a lot in school up to the point I wasn't sure if my being in school wasn't the daydream rather than my striving through Osaka's shopping miles and strolling through the park of America town). Doing this can be extremely relieving; but warning: Even if temporary helpful it could cause your homesickness to get even worse afterwards.. An alternative option would be to make plans. Inform yourself and think about the best possibilities and what you need to do in order to go/return to that certain place. planning makes you optimistic and brings a change of thought, and on top of that the good thing about plans compared to day dreams is that plans eventually will come true (if they are realistic enough, otherwise they aren't plans anymore but daydreams!;))

3) Friends and family / communication: Even if they aren't with you right now, we are luckily born into the age of internet, Facebook, Whatsapp, Skype, emails and whatsoever. So you should just talk with them about you being homesick - it really helps. Maybe you can make some sort of ritual as I did with one of my friends: Every time we saw the full moon we would think of each other, so if you looked upon the moon you knew that the other person somewhere else in the world would look at it and think of you as well, which also gives you the strong feeling of connection and closeness regardless to the distance between you. Also talk with your host family and local friends about it, because they will understand you better and probably can help you (even if you don't think so - you'll be surprised!). So in short: Just COMMUNICATE and TALK with the persons around you. Tell them about your feelings, because that will definitely create closeness and trust, which will help you feeling more comfortable and at home.

4) Change: If you're everyday in the same negative spiral, in the same surrounding doing the same things, it's really hard to change your feelings for the better. Therefore: Go out for a walk, undertake something with friends, go on a short trip somewhere and just surround yourself with positive energy and people that make you feel comfortable, positive and cheerful. Laughing is the best medicine against a lots of things, so if you're having fun with good people you'll most likely start to feel better as well.

5) Make the best out of it: I know that sounds lame, but it really depends on you in the end wether you are willing to see the glass half filled or empty. Of course your situation most likely is awful if you're being homesick, but if you let your thoughts circle around nothing but your agony, then it will only get worse. So you really should try to just bear with it and take a step back to view at your situation from the outside: What can I do to make my situation better? What blessings do I have around myself that I maybe not realize or appreciate enough (there may be a lot of persons trying to reach you - if you open up a bit and give them a chance to get close to you, you'll be surprised and maybe even feel more at home)?What are the good points of my situation? How can I maximize them? By questioning yourself in this manner you will start to find the positive things even in the biggest mess, which make problems a lot easier to deal with.

I hope that you'll find one or two useful tips amongst the things I listed above and say goodbye for now(Truth is I just returned from an awesome trip with some of my closest friends and therefore am terribly tired but couldn't sleep, therefore I'll write about the trip in my next post).

Take care of yourself,

your cheeky devil

Mittwoch, 16. Juli 2014

The next step lies ahead

Hello back again!^^
Sooo, how is life? I know it's been a horrible long time again, but I'll make sure to write more from now on since...

I'm definitely going to London this Autumn for at least one year!!*Hooray*
Yes, I finally found a Family to work in as an Au Pair, and they are like the ideal match for me!:D I'm seriously relieved, all that's left for me to do now is to book a flight, which will be done by tomorrow at the latest. I also got a new passport and ID card, and for the first time in years I'm actually really happy with the photograph they took! A huge plus since I have to put up with it for the next 10 years - OMG I'll be 30 by then!!0_0 It seems so far away, I hope I'll have lived up to my expectations of myself..And I'm curious where I'll stand and what kind of person will have become of me.. Yesterday I also talked with a friend about this and she said that all out of our friend more or less still have various routes and roads to decide of, but that out of all of us I certainly was the one whose journey remains the biggest mystery!x) Well yeah, I couldn't agree more, I don't even know where I'll be in a year, not to speak of a future that lies further away. 

But even if I feel insecure, I am not afraid anymore. Call it a restless soul, gipsy blood or the Bohemian's call - If you had to put me into a category, I was most likely to be put together with adventuresses and explorers, visionaries and dreamers, pirates, travelers and other citizens of the worlds; freethinkers and people without boundaries to hold them back to constantly search for their personal truth, for the one path they are destined to take, for their way of absolute freedom. And as such a person I'm not made for restricting myself to the secure ways that have proven to lead to a decent outcome. I you want to find your personal, individual road, your freedom, how could you do that by walking the same way as everybody else? Your path may be already there, but maybe it first has to be created, to be carved. And that, no one else but you yourself can do. It doesn't matter where you are, even if you find yourself on what seems to be the wrong path - all you have to do is to make your next step into a different direction. There are always new possibilities, there is always a next step lying ahead. The only thing you have to do is to make it!

On that note,

your cheeky devil

Ps:I know I could write a lot more, but I'd rather keep it short this time and write the next post sooner instead

Freitag, 28. Februar 2014

On top of the world but still under the same sky

Hey there!:)

And thanks for visiting my blog today!^^
This post is going to be a rather short one since I don't have something particular to tell you but I just felt like writing some thoughts of mine, ideas, dreams and such!^^

Recently, I often got this awkward feeling of being in a static situation, not moving forward at all. I am pretty sure most of us know this feeling, and personally, it drives me crazy. But then again I know that it's just the current situation and everything will change (hopefully) for the better in summer, when I *finally* graduate from high school this summer. At least, I'm more or less clear about my plans for the near future now: Currently I am looking for a Family in London to make an au pair year there. I decided it should be London for several reasons: First of all, I adore the British accent!! No seriously, I like English in general, but just as the Kansai-dialect (or rather the "Osaka-ben") is my "mother tongue" in Japanese, I'd like to be the british accent my "mother tongue" in English(which also kind of makes more sense to me since we are taught a rather British English at school in Switzerland). Furthermore I love places wich an old founded culture, multi cultural influence and internationality and I adore  high quality theatre, plays, movies, fashion and good music. Oh, and as a matter of fact I love rain, storms, gales and bad weather just as much as I love sunshine. Well, the UK, and especially London, is well know for all of this factors. And then there is my dream, or rather my goal, to become a well known actress and thus to inspire people and giving them dreams. My goal is to play in international shown movies by the time I am thirty, and in order to do so I need to study abroad rather than in Switzerland. So, regarding all of this factors, I thought it would be the best killing two birds with one stone and combining my hunger for adventures, my love to interact with people and my flair with children with more time to explore London, get into acting classes and/or theatre clubs in order to train for auditions, to make new connections and friends, to train myself to the shape necessary to be successful in the business, to search for good acting schools (that are payable) and to decide whether I can imagine staying there for a couple of years or rather going west, direction LA...

But as a matter of fact, I also thought id would be good for my backup plan for the worst case scenario: I definitely will make the proficiency test during the year in London as well (I am confident that I will make it, since my aim is to speak and write as well as a native at the end of the year) as well as my driving license (since they are also driving on the left side like in Japan and it's a lot cheaper to make it than in Switzerland). By doing so, in the worst case I could go to Japan and teach German and English, so there is basically nothing to worry for me anymore, since I have plenty of contacts there as well and my Japanese is sufficient to survive there(I also plan on continuing to study since I also want to speak and write is as fluent as a Japanese one day). That's the reason why I'd rather not return to Japan immediately - since I really can imagine to live there all my live; and I really took a likening on Japanese people and culture, so I am kind of afraid that if I return there now, I will probably meet someone, settle down and not following the path of my heart and abandon my dreams. I don't say that would be bad, I'm sure I would be really happy, and as I said, I can imagine to settle down there in my future, but I don't want to go there without even trying to realize my vision. And to become a regular aired actress in Japan, I'm just too tall and too foreign!-.-'' Matter of fact.
Well, if I make it to the top of the world, everything will look different again, but first things first.
At the moment I don't even have a host family yet, since most of them are looking for au pairs ASAP or maximum 3 months in advantage, so I'm still too early, but that makes me kind of nervous!*sigh* I guess I still need to train myself in the quality of character called "patience"... Well, and first of all I need to graduate properly, right?!;P

But, what I really am grateful for in times like this is the fact that there are always amazing people supporting me. No matter how far apart, even if I was in the middle of a desert, I know exactly that somewhere in this world, be it in the next room or thousands of kilometres, there are my beloved and precious ones, friends, family, persons who inspire me and persons who back me; not always visible, but still on the same planet, under the same sky. This is why I have my bed under the window: Each night before I fall to sleep, I look up to the stars and remind myself of that fact. I think of all my friends and how bloody lucky I am to be blessed with such amazing people and so much love around me.
My parents -my dad who doesn't try to hinder me of making my goals come true and who I know how proud he is of me; and my mum just..doing an amazing job as a mother and being far more than that - A friend, if I need an open ear or an advice, a teacher, if I seek for a truth, a hint-giver, if I am looking for an answer, a master, if I need a master plan, and probably the person with the biggest heart I have ever met. And, on top of that, a hell of a good woman!!*v*  Do you know the song "go gentle" from Robbie Williams devoted to his daughter? Well, that's pretty much describing our relationship!^^<3-
my friends - scattered all over the word, some being similar to me, some the pure opposite, but each and everyone of them special and unique in their own way and my personal V.I.P.'s! And I especially like how we live around the whole globe, it's an awesome feeling to always have an open door if someone is coming over, and I will always welcome my friends at home, especially if they are in need, because that's what friends are for - to be there for each other, in good time and in bad times, since they are the family you can choose by youself - and it's even more awesome to know that most of them (I would never dare to presume that ALL of them think as I do, but I know that most of them do) think mutual and welcome me anytime, which is an overwhelming feeling!! -
and my other families( which kind of seem to keep growing) - All my host families in Japan I can't wait to see my big sister and Riya again( I never know in which category to put him..little brother?..big brother...an annoying guy with an adorable character? Well, therefore I put him in the category "Riya"xD ^^'') and my  other little siblings (OMG, they have to have grown sooo much in the meantime, by the next time I'll see them they will all be teenagers!!*w*<3); and my newest addition to the category "extended family", Cléo's family, who was kind enough to let me live with them the whole  last summer( I just got surprisingly post by them and was so happy, I hope I can meet them again in the nearer future).
And last but not least, persons who are interested in what I am thinking and what I experience (That includes you as well, since you bother reading this blog) - Followers on Instagram and twitter, friends on facebook, but, most of all, reader of this blog. Each time when I click on the statistics of my blog, showing me that even if I hadn't written in a long time there are people visiting constantly my blog and checking for new entries; each time I click on the world map and see that persons from all over the world are reading my thoughts, I get all happy and excited, because I hope that this blog will make a little piece of my dream to inspire people comes true.

And that is basically all I wanted to remind you of:
Even if you are going through a harsh time in life, I am convinced that each person has at least someone in their life who DOES care. If it's not within your family, it may be in your friends. If it's not a friend near by, think that you may have friends living in other places. Maybe friends or parts of you personal, extended family that you don't even have contact anymore but you feel connected to anyhow. If you feel like you don't have a single soul in this world, you maybe overlook someone. Maybe this person is just shy or you never noticed their efforts to approach you up to now, but I really am convinced that everybody in the end has somebody - even if it doesn't look like it. If you try to open up just a little bit and don't have prejudices, you will be surprised what persons you can actually become friends with(trust me, I know what I'm saying - In Japan, after opening up, my circle of friends grew enormously and persons I thought I could never be friends with grew closest to me).

Maybe that is also the reason why I never have been homesick: as long as I dream, I live. As long as I live, I have visions. As long as I have visions, I move forward; trying to realize them. As long as I move..I am free.

Sometimes, we may get off our track in life, but as long as one looks up to the stars, how could one possibly get lost in life completely? For stars sign posts, they show me the way and they comfort me, for when I look up to the stars I remember that I am never alone. May we stand on different grounds, in the end we are still under the same sky.

with love,

your cheeky devil

Sonntag, 12. Januar 2014

About New Years Resolutions, Music And My Personal Jesus - Old and new insights

Hey dear readers and crazy followers (no, don't deny it, if you are willing to read what my fairly weird mind has to express here then you have to have at least a little grain of craziness inside you), as promised my latest post follows - for the first time in ages - in a decent interval!

How have you started your new year? Any resolutions? Personally, I decided to stick to my classics, which are, in fact, more mottos for a lifetime rather than resolutions: The first is to be honest with myself, the second is to believe in myself and to follow my dreams no matter what; and the third is to conquer my fears, for my name means "daughter of Mars" or "the courageous/ the brave one"; and I believe that true courage does not show in having no fears but in stand up to your fears, face them and finally conquer them. And I definitely want to live up to my name, so this is my most important truth, because it is a part of me and defines a part of who I am and what I do stand for.
Does it ring a bell?  Approximately one year before I asked myself, here on this blog,  what I do stand for. I wouldn't dare to say that I've found the answer - For to find it will probably be a lifelong undertaking - But what I've found is something like an attempt, a first hint on the treasure hunt, a beginning:
Part of what I stand for are the things I love - The starry sky at night, the lights of tokyo, the beautiful calm and the breathtaking stormy sea, rain, gales, the wind playing with my hair as I ride on a horseback, my music and singing under the hot shower, laughing until I'm crying, summer and the smell of fresh cut grass turning to hay, the first bite of a ripe, juicy summer-fruit, seawater in my hair, the overwhelming presence of a single moment - all of that is part of it, but it doesn't define what I stand for.
Part of what I do stand for are the ones I hold dear, the ones I love, the one who are always standing next to me - wether I can feel the warmth of their bodies or just the presence of a precious person being hundreds and thousands of miles away - Persons I admire, persons that support me, persons that I maybe just met once - Persons I love; my friends and family (in fact it's the same thing, for friends are the family you can choose yourself) and persons that impressed me. They all are part of it, but they are not what I stand for.
Part of what I do stand for are all the places i've been so far, all the persons I've met, everything I've seen, smelled, sensed - Everything that has had an impact on me, everything that formed me to what I am today. They form a big part of what I am, but they are not what I stand for, either.

And last of all, part of what I do stand for are my will, my hopes and dreams, my goals and achievements to-be, the path I choose to go on from now on. I believe in destiny, but I'm convinced that  each and everyone of us holds his or her destiny in her own hands - You are not pleased how things went so far? You think the world isn't fair?  Who said things have to remain this way?! Change your own destiny rather than complain about the past or fear the future - no pain no gain! You have to be convinced about what you are doing, give it your all and never stop to believe - Some of you may call me naive, but there are always two sides of a coin - Equal to all disaster and misfortune there has to be chances, luck and secret hints pointing you in the right direction. Life may not be fair, but it's just.
But also for this last part, I have to say, it's a part of me, but not what I stand for.

"So, what's her point?!" you might ask yourself, since all I have done so far is defining what I do NOT stand for. Since I don't want to bore you, I shall give you now my attempt of the solution to this rather challenging question:

I first thought of it under the shower (gooood people, if you have to think about something go showering - I don't know why, maybe it washes away the bigger part of confusion in your brain(or maybe even the brain in whole), but to me it's something like a magical enlightenment-machine) while listening once more to FUN's "Some Nights". And once again, I asked myself the same question - "What do I stand for?" I comforted myself with the thought that I just needed to live on in order to develop myself further, get to know myself better (which is still rather difficult sometimes!XD) and eventually would understand and get my answer. Then, the cynical part of me (rather big!-.-'' :P) showed up and to lecture me(yes, I always dispute with myself in my head - sometimes that can gat reaaally noisy!-.-''):
"uuuh, there she goes again, the great philosopher in spe - Shall I tell you what you stand for? You stand for *drrrrrrruuuuuums*....YOURSELF!*Tadaaaa!* Deep shit, I know! You got your answer so shut up now, will ya?"
First I had to giggle about my lame philosophic attempt to answer my question, but then I started to think, that in fact it wasn't that lame at all. I mean, sure, it's plump, but rather than standing for certain values, convictions or beliefs, one stands for everything that's making him or her to what she or he is - You do not stand for a single thing but the sum of all pieces that make you a special, individual being!
So yeah - That's my best attempt to for to answer my question:

I stand for myself.

I really love to see how each circle will close at some point, regardless to how much you struggle to find a solution to your problem, an answer to your question or the key to a locked door - At some point you will find it. Or rather it will find you. Probably when you expect it the least. And most certainly I will not come to you in the form you expect it. But lost things always come back to you. One way or another. Each circle will absolutely close again at some point. Without fail.
Remember how I wrote about the feeling of wandering around in the mist without a clue of direction and how I was asking for a knight with a red flag? Well, he might have appeared. I'm not quite sure wether it was the knight himself or just an oracle pointing me the way towards the knight, but that alone was enough reassurement to keep on walking. I am a traveller and walker, a dreamer and believer, a searcher and a finder, and I want to inspire people - I want to give them dreams, to show the beauty of the world - I am the dream-donor. For this goal I will probably never stop walking, never stop searching, looking for answers - and eventually find them.
But on my way I'll never walk alone. One one side there will always be persons accompany me on parts of my route - Some will be by my side longer than others, but nevertheless they are all important. A single second can change your whole life.

And on the other side, there will always be music. Music accompanying me, comforting me, encouraging me. At christmas i talked with one part of my relatives about religion - No Offense, but the best decision I made last year was to leave the church. I don't have anything against Christianity or religion in general, it's just that I can't come to the point to believe in something like the christian god the way the church wants us to believe. Especially since I was in Japan and experienced how people there practice religion: For some events like new year they go and pray at a shrine to shintoistic gods, if someone dies they hold a buddhistic ceremony and modern weddings are often hold in a traditional way(buddhistic temple/ shintoistic shrine) and !! in a church with the white wedding dress etc. They celebrate St- Valentines and Christmas without being "official" christians. That made me wonder why we have to categorize everything and everyone around us - Christian, Buddhist, Moslem, Shinto, Hindu, big, small, good, bad, pretty, ugly - Come on guys, we don't live in a black/white world!!!(In fact it would be nice if everything was so clear, but the world is full of shady greys and tones of colors! So just STOP putting an etiquette on everything and start to LOOK at things in detail). Does me leaving the church makes me an anti-christ, atheist or a bad person? I don't think so! Someone told me after hearing that I quit being part of the church that she thought it was kind of too early to make a decision like this. I got her point, but I think it's rather ignorant to connect the ability to make personal decisions with age - I mean, in fact history has proven many times that the oldest can make the most hillarious, stupid and fatal decisions - but still there remains this unwritten rule in our society (to which I agree to a certain extent) that wisdoms comes with age and therefore young people should wait to make decisions until they get older. But who said that we can't make important decisions? Don't you think I thought deeply through all the consequences and did a lot of research before quitting? It's not like "Oh, I'm kind of fed up with this club, maybe we'll see each other the next season again since I'll probably get bored enough to join you guys again!". If you come to a decision like this, you do it out of a conviction (which is probably not going to change again so fast), not out of a mood!

If anyone is asking: Music is my religion!

There are so many great artists out there, telling stories so much deeper than the empty phrases many priest are preaching out there. In terms of religion, Miyavi would probably be my god, since I really think he's a guitar god!*_* I thought for a longer period now about learning an instrument, but in fact, it's mainly because of him fascinating me with his music that I decided I will be the guitar (I'll make myself a present for my 20th birthday I think!^v^<3).
Yes, Miyavi is my god. 
My Angel is Hyde from L'Arc en ciel, because with his angelic voice he and L'arc en ciel inspired me already so many times, comforted me and escorted me to the world of dreams. My apostles, preachers, priests and saviours of sanity would be One Ok Rock, Bump of Chicken, Fall Out Boy, YUI, VIXX, Nirvana, Blind Melons, Buena Vista Social Club and many more, because they see beyond and speak out loud what others don't dare to take in their mouth.
And finally, my personal Jesus (I always have to think of Marilyn Mansons Song when I think of this term!xD) is definitely Jared Leto and his Band 30 Seconds to Mars!
A couple of years ago, I first stumbled upon "Hurricane" and was fascinated as well as alienated. Therefore I didn't really get into their music at the time, just knowing one or two songs of them and knowing that I found them to be really cool and awesome. Last year I got to know that they finally released a new album "Love Lust Faith and Dreams" and I just knew I had to get it!! When I heard that they were coming to Zuerich it was already settled: I buied the ticket and a friend and I went together - the athmosphere was just awesome, Echelon (The name of the fans) was, as expected, special and somewhat different from the usual fans and groupies one can find at most of the concerts. Ever since that night, I couldn't deny any longer to have also become a part of Echelon, although I'm usually not a "fan"of music groups and am rather averse to fanclubs, fandoms and such!-.-'' But the system with Mars is somehow different..One can't really explain...I think either ones does understand or not. The bonds between Echelon and Mars are also thicker than with many other bands, and to the question "Is this a cult?" the band as well as Echelon had a mutual answer: "Yes, this is a cult."
(lolz, I can only imagine how some parents freaked out because they were thinking their kids fell for some strange cult, which definitely had to be satanistic or what do I know!xP)
Their music is ..ART! Each music video is an own oeuvre and the lyrics are all kind of really deep and you need to listen carefully and more than once to really understand the meaning. Mars are constantly playing with symbols(such as the triad which has become symbol for the band itself) and to make mysterious statements such as "find the argus apocraphex" which is to be found in various of their videos and causes huge discussions amongst Echelon of what this Argus Apocraphex is since years.
I love how they never give the solutions to the meaning of their symbols and quests, they just give hints and want to find us our own solutions. 
That were just various reasons why I love them so much (a friend recently asked my which was my favorite song of them and I came finally up with a list covering like half of their songs in total - already finding it really hard to exclude the others!xD)
So, if you ever get a chance to go to one of their concerts, GO!;)

That's all I have to say so far, stay healthy and never stop to search!;)

your cheeky devil