Samstag, 1. September 2012

back in Switzerland, the countdown or: a new begin in old realms in

Hey there!:)

I so looked forward to write my next post, it really became something like addiction to write!:)
In the meanwhile, it happened a lot (oh dear, I wonder why I even write this sentence - it's always like that!:P)

well, if one takes it exactly, there aren't to many BIG events, but ....well, it's just that I had to go back to Switzerland.
And as you might know, I feel everything about Switzerland but a place I REALLY wanted to return to. Yeah, well, it nice to see the family and especially my dear friends again ,  but besides that there aren't to much things I looked forward to...*sight*
And although it's only been five weeks, I feel like I left there a long time ago...far too long!! To be honest, I miss Japan and my friends there like hell!!!TT_TT For the first time in my life, I've got a feeling which maybe comes pretty close to....well, one could say I'm kind of homesick for Japan!T__T''

And I just don't get along with the Swiss mentality anymore. Well, actually not only the Swiss, but the Gaijin-mentality. I know, I know, I'm Gajin myself, too. But still I'm just about to realize how much I actually changed in this year.
For example, when we came back, there were drunken girls in about the same age as me in the train, and they were so rude and loud, I felt ashamed FOR THEM. The next day, we went to the blue balls festival in Lucerne, and I recognized how fake and loud the laughter of many people there was(in the style of "haHAHA,look at us, we're having suuuuuch a great time here- well, at least we try to convince ourselves of it"). Actually, there are lots of happenings like that recently. Guess that's what one calls culture shock, huh?!-__-''

There are so many things I just can't stop thinking about, I think if it is not going to stop soon, my head will burst!-.-''
I never thought about Alice Liddell's feeling when she woke up, but now I realize that it may have been pretty tough for her. Because it's exactly how I feel now - Just came back from Wonderland, still not completely here. One of my important friends there, Kaori, gave me a leather bracelet with her and my name burnt in it - she made a partner set of it!!T_T<3 In the first week, I woke up, and I was afraid that everything just was a really unique and wonderful dream - but then I saw and felt the bracelet wrapped around my wrist, and this was the evidence to convince and to appease myself that that everything really is true; that all these experiences and memories are real, that all those precious persons that came in my life really exist, that they still live somewhere out there! This is my most precious treasure - Something nobody can take away from me and I'll remember until the day I'll have finished mission life and will hit my road for another, new adventure from where nobody who was REALLY there came back to tell about. yeah, right, I don't believe that dead is the end; I think it's just to start to another journey, a new, maybe even a little exiting adventure. Well, who knows, maybe I'll even find THERE a way to write my blog and tell you guy about my where- and whatabouts!xP

But most people around me don't get how I feel - they don't even try. Even if you tell'em about - they all just come up with this little, stupid, silly daily - life questions and problems I simply can't, or sometimes just absolutely DON'T WANT to think about - not even to think of answering!..

I wonder wether Alice also had these problems when she came back - If she did, I feel bad for her. But like her after being suddenly back at the place she used to live earlier, I'll slowly get back to normal - well, at least I'll pretend - but just that you know: I won't hesitate a single second if I find a looking glass to go through - with the only difference, that I might not come back anymore. The author of my story is not Lewis Carroll but me, after all!

However, school has started since two weeks. And I think I can say that I'm doing pretty well..well, let's say most of the time!^^'' For example, in French, each time I want to speak French, I start to talk in Japanese!-.-'' It already started on my way back to Switzerland, in the plane (we flew back with Airfrance) - I didn't recognize that I've had switched languages until the stewardess tilted her head and asked with a bewildered sight:"...uuuhm...English?!" And I was like:"OOOOH, omg, sumimase-err,sorr- I mean EXCUSE-MOI!!!xP

But I think I slowly start to come clear here - And it's a relief, that my teachers as well as my classmates seem all to be nice. The only thing that makes me sad is, that I don't know a single Japanese person were I live - Ok, there are very few asians around here, but they eighter Chinese, Thai or Philippine - so EVERYTHING but what I'm wishing for!*sight*

And I decided that I definitely DON'T want to have a boyfriend in the next time - there are couple of reasons for that: On the one side, I still won't have the time - the third year is said to be the hardest, and we start with preparations for graduation(which will be in fourth grade) etc., but the most important reason is, that I'm just pissed off of these jerks from planet mars!!! I mean, I was ONE year in the country of the rising sun, where I heard like minimum one time per day, how pretty/cute I was, just because I seemed to be totally their type; I knew of guys who liked me, but they just DIDN'T managed it to tell me - even when I talked to them, even when we said "let's undertake something together!". The only one, who acted like (I think) a man should act, the one I kissed, just wanted to add a nice little foreigner trophy from Switzerland to his collection of bed-scores - well, too bad I could see through your little masquerade, asshole!
And then, just when I was fine with the thought of enjoying the rest of time as a happy single, HE came. In fact, I got to know him, as you know, at the same day as the before mentioned player, but first, I really didn't wanted to talk with him; he even kind of annoyed me! But the moreI wanted to get rid of him in a friendly way, the more he tried - and finally got me into conversation! I really just wanted to have him as a friend in the first time, but then, there was the hug in the train - A thing a Japanese guy normally would NEVER do! And from then on, he got me. I just didn't realize it back then. But I do now. This time, it was not like always. This time, it was different.  I know why things turned out like it is, I even understand his acting, but sill; I feel hurt, a bit wounded at my pride; and, most of all, pissed off!
And do you know what funny is?
When I came back here to Switzerland, I realized, that even men I thought of as totally hot and pure sex before, I now think of as pretty good-looking  handsome indeed; but they don't attract me anymore.o.0 I realized that, if they aren't Asian, they won't attract me!..-.-''*sight* And I know what some of you may think now, but I don't think it's just a phase.. Something inside me changed in this year; it changed me.


But I think this circumstance is best for me at the moment; as I still think of you sometimes, K. I wish you all the best, and I'm looking forward to what future will bring. And:

I’m glad you came

Thank you.

Well, that was it for now!:) I try to to post as soon as possible, and I'd be so happy, if you guys would also read my blog in future, since I DEFINITELY want to continue it!^0^
Till soon,
your cheeky devil, akuma-chan

PS: To all of you, who supported me and read my blog through this whole time: THANK YOU!! I love you guys and hope, that you will live through my adventures in this wonder world with me - It won't be boring - I promise!!;)

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